I hadn’t exercised since July 28th, and I was feeling much less than my usual self. After a few days without exercise, I felt listless and unhappy. I also suffered from a lack of self-esteem.I was unable to concentrate on everyday tasks. I neglected my calorie counting, and even went so far as to buy a large loaf of sliced sourdough bread and a block of cheddar cheese, which disappeared more quickly than I thought it would. Yes, I was living in Bingeville. I had given up on my exercise regime, which had a huge impact on my emotional, psychological and physical well-being. Without an outlet I was going insane. What was most disturbing to me is that I gained four of the 21 pounds that I had lost, most of that from eating cheese and bread.
Three days ago, I received the last of the exercise machine parts, but instead of feeling gleeful, I felt tremendously guilty. I had to ask myself if I was really so stubborn that, instead of suffering, I wouldn’t go to a gym. Sure, each of the gyms that I contacted offered me a few days as a guest, and thereafter, I would have to become a member. I didn’t know how long it would take for my machine to be in working order, and so I couldn’t set a date. I guess I could have used a guest pass for a few days at each gym, but I had to make a choice. I chose to remain hopeful and wait.
I don’t know if waiting was the right answer, but for the last two days that I have exercised, I have felt tremendous relief. No longer am I craving bread and cheese. Instead, I had Brussels sprouts with garlic and Italian herbs for breakfast yesterday, lightly sautéed zucchini and summer squash for lunch, and a veggie salad for dinner. I could have adhered to my weight loss schedule (and I did, for nearly two weeks), but in the end, I was craving what I shouldn’t have—massive quantities of carbs and dairy—and what I couldn’t have—the intact exercise machine.
Today I am feeling better about myself. I forgive myself for falling off the Weightlessness wagon. My mind is clear, and I feel happy to start over with my weightlessness regimen, which is a very good thing because I have a more pressing reason for needing (as well as wanting) to lose weight. I do not generally share this information because people rarely understand. Hence, the topic of the next post:
Weightlessness and Pain